Ever looked at yourself, perhaps it’s a fear, a phobia, or an ongoing type of behaviour, and wondered ‘how and why did I get here?’.
Don’t worry, I have got you covered.
Hello, I’m Christopher Paul Jones, the Breakthrough Expert, and in todays blog post, I wanted to share this video with you and talk about a quote, by Milton Erickson, that said that your problem was once the solution.
So, what do I mean by that exactly? Well, what I mean, is that our subconscious mind can be a wonderful thing. At any given point in our life (usually in our childhood…), when we are faced with something uncomnfortable, our subconscious mind chooses to protect us.
And as a way of protecting us, it shuts down its gates, and brings out the ultimate defense mechanism. It creates a fear, anxiety or a phobia.
What happens, is that your subconscious mind, next time that you are faced with something that triggers off the original event for you – chooses to send you into reptitlian mode. This means that you adopt one of three different modes of behaviour – you go into fight, flight or freeze mode….
Your subconscious wants to protect you..
Now, your subconscious mind thinks that it is protecting you. And to some extent, it is. But this can make everyday living, super difficult. Because let’s be realistic here – even if your subconscious mind wants to protect you from every spider (just using spiders as an example here), chances are that that’s pretty impossible!
So, what then happens, is that you create this fear, anxiety or phobia, and life can be pretty difficult for you.
Your subconscious can actually make life pretty difficult for you..
And it’s not just a fear, or a phobia that can be destructive for you., But the behaviours that come about from that. The shying away from social events, the feeling stressed and even angry, We get into the habit of displaying certain behaviours (to the detriment of our closest, most valued relationships), because our mind is simply trying to protect us. If we push away every person for example, as soon as they get close to us, it controls our fear of rejection.
Sometimes, it’s not even down to an experience as such, but a certain set of conditions. Take a nightclub bouncer who came to see me once, for a session at my office on Harley Street. He had been operating from a place of anger… because on the job this disposition served him well. However, this then became standard behaviour for him – which didn’t go down well in his personal life.
You may find, that something that happened a long time ago in your life, is the root cause behind certain behaviours that are plaguing your current life. But you don;t know what to do about it. You may have tried reading self development books, taken up meditation and mindfulness, and perhaps even been to speak to your doctor. Maybe you have gone down the standard route of CBT or Counselling, or tried rapid therapies, but somehow, something just still doesn’t feel right with you.
1. Ask yourself: How does this behaviour or phobia serve you?
As we have already established, we act out certain behaviours, because the behaviour actually serves us. We don’t have to deal with the real problem whilst we are able to hide behind our security blanket. So, sometimes, the act of actually shining a bright light on things, looking at what’s really going on for us, and wanting to do something about it, can really be rather nervewracking.
It means coming out from the shadows, admitting to something that’s bigger, that is going on for us, and agreeing with ourselves to change things. This in itself can be pretty scary!
So, if you find yourself getting to this point but then wanting to hide away again, what else should we be doing here? Well, next I suggest step 2 which is…
2. Ask yourself, what else could I give to myself, to make myself feel this way?
What I mean by this, is ask yourself what it is that your behaviour is giving to you. For example. if you get angry as a way to avoid rejection, look even deeper than that. You want to avoid rejection because you want to feel loved, and you want to feel safe. And so what other ways can you achieve that feeling in your life, rather than getting angry?
Make a list of those things and keep them somewhere visible to you. Get really clear on what is actually happening for you – and then, make a resolution to go and see a therapist and finally get something to change for you.
The only real way to get to the bottom of things is to go right back to the root cause of the problem. And that can actually mean looking at your problem as once being the solution. Look at the behaviour that no longer serves you, whether it’s repetitive behaviour, such as anger, or it’s manifested as a phobia. And ask yourself, why did your subconscious mind create this for you? Look behind the ‘problem’ and see what your mind was trying to achieve for you, what was it attempting to protect you from?
And then work from there….
Book to see a therapist, who can work on changing that mindstate for you, someone like myself, who can actually undo that memory and change it into something totally different. Only when you address things from that side of the fence, will your behavioural patterns and phobias change for you.
Speaking of which, have you booked your free clarity call with me yet? If not, why not? Book yours here and let’s look at what’s really going on with you.
Until the next time,