Fear of failure (atychiphobia) is a common issue that affects countless people worldwide and influences many minor and major life choices. It is a paradoxical force that motivates us to excel yet also creates huge, invisible, powerful barriers against getting things wrong, hindering personal and professional growth. It’s like standing on the top of a mountain and the fear of falling prevents you from enjoying the view or exploring the path that leads down to the valley.
At its core, fear of failure is the dread of falling short of our own expectations or those set by others. This fear is potent enough to prevent us from taking risks or trying new things. It can heavily influence decision-making processes, impacting everything from educational or career advancement to putting yourself forward for anything that shines a spotlight directly on you.
Psychological Roots of Fear of Failure
The fear of failure isn’t just a modern ailment; it has deep evolutionary and psychological roots. Originally, this fear helped our ancestors avoid life-threatening dangers and enhanced their chances of survival. Fast forward to today, and this fear often manifests as overwhelming anxiety over seemingly minor challenges, which can lead to excessive stress and avoidance behaviours that hinder personal growth.
Interestingly, our response to fear has not only an immediate impact but also an influence over time. Avoiding situations where we might fail actually reinforces our fear of failure. This avoidance then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, as the less we engage with challenging situations, the more intense our fear grows, and the more likely we are to feel like failures. This cycle can be incredibly hard to break, as each avoidance cycle strengthens the fear pathways in our brains, convincing us that failure is something to run from rather than face.
What started as a cautionary response can progress to trigger unwarranted anxiety in relatively low-stake situations. It’s like having an overly sensitive car alarm that goes off simply because the wind blows. This misalignment, driven by our brain’s mechanisms (particularly the amygdala’s role in fear processing), can amplify the fear of failure, making it appear more daunting than it is.
What’s more, we can inherit this from our parents. Research shows us this fear can be passed from generation to generation, with parents’ fear of failure often predicting similar fears in their children. This intergenerational transmission can influence children’s attitudes towards failure and success, subtly encouraging them to develop similar fears through observed behaviours and expressed attitudes.
The psychological concept of preparedness – the ingrained readiness to fear situations that could have dire consequences – also plays a significant role. Over generations, this fear has evolved from simple survival instincts to complex social problems like fear of ostracism or rejection, which might compel us to sidestep anything that could lead to failure.
The Role of Secondary Gain
Exploring secondary gain also provides us with a deeper understanding. I had a client who was a highly successful businessperson whose fear of failure drove them to huge professional success. This fear was a relentless motivator, ensuring they never settled for anything less than victory in whatever business venture they set their mind to. However, the same trait that spelt success in the boardroom proved detrimental in their personal life. A simple domestic task like cooking would unravel their composure, and if they did something wrong, it led to disproportionate despair.
Fear of failure often serves as a subconscious safeguard, creating a comfort zone where avoiding risks gives the impression that we are protected. It manifests in behaviours such as procrastination, where the worry of not meeting one’s own or others’ high expectations can freeze actions, or excessive perfectionism, where one strives obsessively for flawless results in every endeavour. One author found that in education, this can manifest in:
- Procrastination
- Intentional withdrawal of effort and a rejection of academic work
- Avoiding the appearance of working and promoting the appearance of effortless achievement
- Disruptive behaviour
Recognising secondary gain is essential for genuinely addressing and overcoming the fear of failure. It requires acknowledging that, while seemingly a barrier, fear fulfils certain psychological needs, such as safety, control, or maintaining self-esteem. By understanding these dynamics, we can begin to challenge these feelings more effectively.
Overcoming the fear of failure involves more than direct confrontation; it necessitates a comprehensive approach that considers the underlying benefits we subconsciously seek. This insight leads to more effective strategies that address the fear and the benefits of secondary gain, thereby paving the way for authentic personal growth and a healthier approach to dealing with challenges. Only through this deeper understanding can we truly embrace seeing failure not as a threat but as an opportunity for learning and personal development.
Cognitive Distortions and Fear of Failure
Cognitive distortions are irrational thought patterns that can significantly amplify fear, and I cannot stress the importance of recognising and rectifying these distortions enough to manage this fear effectively. For example, all-or-nothing thinking frames experiences as either a complete success or a total failure, which can increase the fear of failure by not allowing space for minor setbacks. Similarly, over-generalisation might lead us to view a single setback as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
Catastrophising is another common distortion. It involves anticipating the worst possible outcome and can paralyse us by exaggerating the fear of horrendous failures.
Strategies to Overcome Fear of Failure
Fear, often fuelled by negative anticipation, can be mitigated by redirecting our focus towards positive outcomes. By acknowledging our fears yet choosing to envision successful scenarios, we shift the emotional landscape from anxiety to anticipation of success.
One practical method involves focusing on the future and visualising yourself handling potential challenges calmly and successfully. This exercise involves mentally travelling into the future and taking ourselves to a point in time after we’ve successfully faced our fears. Here, we imagine how enjoying that moment of achievement will feel, then bringing this feeling back into the present moment. This mental practice helps us anchor ourselves and rewire our response to stress, encouraging a more resilient and proactive mindset.
Another strategy we can use is ‘turning down the anticipation dial’ which involves reducing stress through relaxation techniques, progressive muscle relaxation, and deep breathing exercises.
In both cases, instead of dwelling on the “what-ifs” that focus on potential disasters, we can construct scenarios that are hopeful and inspiring. This not only enhances our emotional resilience but also aligns our mental state with our desired outcomes, making us more likely to approach further challenges with a positive outlook.
By taking positive steps to overcome the fear of failure and replacing negative thoughts about the future with ones that inspire us, we can face our future with a sense of ease.
Sources:
- https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167203262024
- https://www.taylorfrancis.com/chapters/edit/10.4324/9781315170039-5/fear-failure-carolyn-jackson
- https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10942-007-0052-7
