Happy Valentines Day to everyone who is with someone and happy this year – and to those of us who would like to be with someone and happy but are struggling with a fear of commitment, here is my best advice for you…
1. Let go of what you THINK commitment is or should be.
We all have that preconceived notion of what commitment should look and feel like. We read about it in the magazines and we watch it on films and tv. And for some of us, that ‘this is what a relationship should be’ ideal can leave us running away from a perfectly good relationship.
You might have been, or are this person yourself, and if not, well we have all dated, or met somebody who fits into this category.
The person who lists off the reasons as to WHY they cannot be in a committed relationship – and more often than not, it is because what they can GIVE in a relationship, doesn’t match up with what SOCIETY deems to be ‘acceptable’.
My advice on this one? Throw away the ‘must do..’ list, and have a chat with the other person, and let them know who YOU are and what you would like from the relationship. If it matches with their needs, then forget what society suggests and create a relationship that works for you two.
The same advice applies to a person who tries to control a relationship and rejects others because they think that they are not meeting the needs that society has deemed we all meet in order to be ‘committed’.
2. Get clear on what YOUR ideal relationship would look like and then go out and find THAT.
Once you let go of what society has outlined as being a happy and committed relationship, you are free to create your own script as to what a happy and committed relationship would look and FEEL like for YOU. I always talk about CLARITY in my business – once you become clear on what it is that you are looking for, and block out all of the background noise, then you have a much greater chance of finding that.
And don’t be afraid to let go of the reins a bit, when I say make a plan of what you are looking for, that does not mean be strict and rigid and have a tick list. You could be letting perfectly great partners go because they don’t match up to your preferences. No, this is more about having some clear no go’s, drawing your lines in the sand and then being open minded to the rest of it.
Try this – imagine the person you would like to be with. HOW WOULD THEY MAKE YOU FEEL? Then, focus on that feeling and having more of THAT in your life. How can you create that feeling yourself? The more that you step into THIS vibe and energy the more likely you are to attract more of that into your reality. If you are well versed in the law of attraction and manifestation, you will know what I am referring to here.
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER WHEN DEALING WITH A FEAR OF COMMITMENT IS THAT IT IS YOU WHO IS IN CONTROL OF WHETHER OR NOT YOU REMAIN SINGLE, ARE DATING OR ARE CHOOSING COMMITMENT.
Commitment is A CHOICE – you are not obliged to find it in this lifetime and many people are more than happy to be single, the biggest commitment you need to make in this life is the one you have with yourself. Make sure that YOU are balanced and happy first, and then everything else will just flow from that.
And if you ARE in a happy and committed relationship this Valentines Day, then enjoy it, and if you are single, looking … whatever… celebrate love today, because it is not just for couples, love is all around us, and it can be in the form of someone to cuddle up with, or someone to smile at in the coffee shop. LOVE is about people… and energy, and simply being here.
Happy Valentines Day of course, to my wonderful wife,
And I will speak to you all next week