July 1st is the Samaritans ‘talk to us’ day – they want people to reach out to them, whether it be to ask for help or to find out more about volunteering. Can you reach out to them? And do we have a ‘fear’ of speaking?
In this blog post, I want to talk about talking….. Now I personally am great at it and love to talk until the cows come home, but for many of us, talking, especially about ourselves and how we are feeling, can prove to be REALLY difficult.
So, if YOU find it difficult to talk about things, but really want to talk to someone, here’s what you can do about it
1. Write it – writing still counts as ‘talking’.
Send someone an email. And if it’s the samaritans that you want to talk to, you can send them an email at: email@example.com
Writing counts as talking, and for some of us, we find it easier to say all that we want to say if it is written. Isn’t that why so many people air their emotional laundry allover Facebook?
Don’t put off talking about how you feel just because you find it awkward to pick up the phone and call somebody.
2. Share your difficulty and then explore that.
What is it about talking that you find difficult? Grab a piece of paper and explore this. Common reasons that I have heard from my clients include things like:
- Fear of stumbling over your words
- Fear of forgetting what you are saying
- Fear of getting emotional
If you think about it, those three things all come back to worrying about what other people think of you.
So, share how you feel about talking…. Maybe start with a text or an email and let that person know that you’d like to talk, but you find it difficult. People these days are more understanding than you think.
3. Tips for speaking about how you are feeling:
Remember that feelings are feelings – they are personal, and they belong to you. There is no right or wrong way to talk about how you are feeling. So, stop thinking too much about what you say, or how you say it, and just say it.
It’s not the same as speaking at a conference or a networking event. People won’t expect you to be polished or to perform. In fact, doing that may make you come across as ‘odd’ or as not being genuine.
Emotions don’t have to be analysed to begin with – lots of us feel that we cannot tell another person how we feel because it makes us look vulnerable, and like we cannot take care of our own feelings. I say rubbish to that!
When you talk to someone else, you are not asking them to fix things for you. You are simply sharing something and if you are worried that they may think that you want them to ‘do’ something for you, when all you want to do is just talk …be open… be honest. Tell them that! Say something like “I don’t expect you to do anything, I can take care of myself but I just needed to talk if that’s ok?’.
Often, people worry about talking because they fear that they are expecting the other person to do something and that that may make them feel uncomfortable, when actually all we really need to do is … listen. And be listened to.
The Samaritans are available to talk to 24-7. Call them on:
And if you feel you would like to help people talk about something then why not volunteer?
I am also here for you of course, you can book a free clarity call with me if there’s something bothering you that you feel that I could help you with.
Until the next time, have a great weekend and stay safe in the heat